Anonymous asked: Hey so I read your post abt your mom. Idk if this is out of line or unwanted, but I'll say it anyway. stuff like that happens with my mom too, and she ignores me for months, neither of us apologizes we eventually get over it. Maybe she'll get over before sh leaves, and if she doesnt, then at least she'll be fine when she gets back. All desi parents are like that. My mom has said all that and threatened to ship me to paki and get me married to an illiterate village boy. dont worry too much :)
Oh, Anon… My mother is one of the most stubborn women I know. There are reasons but tumblr isn’t the place to get in to that stuff. I’m sorry about the problems you have with your mum. I’m going to make sure mine gets over herself before she leaves.
Well… my mother has been suggesting I get married to all sorts recently so I know your pain but it hasn’t come to those levels yet… Let’s hope we both dodge those bullets.
After a month and six days… my mother and I had our first proper argument. Two days before she leaves for eight weeks, too. I really thought we’d avoid it until after she got back but I was being too optimistic.
The fight was about how I don’t respect certain members of her family. I told her respect is earned not given and that I did the bare minimum to meet my Islamic obligations to other people. She didn’t see it that way.
Anyway, things got heated and she ended up saying that I was dead to her. She kept saying things like she wanted me out of her house and she never wanted to see me again.
I just started laughing at her.
I spent the afternoon, and most of the evening, with my sister and when I got home I talked to her like nothing happened. She gave me the silent treatment but I was cracking jokes and trying my best to make her talk to me. It didn’t work fully but I’ll be talking to her again before she leaves for Pakistan on Sunday evening.
I go weeks and months without talking to my parents. Today the timer reset to zero. I woke up from a nap and my first thought was to call my mum.
I can’t remember the last time I called my parents. I think it’s been a few weeks.
It always breaks my heart when I talk to them. They’re both getting older. Mum was in an accident a few weeks ago and she’s still not 100%. My dad was complaining about his health too.
They were both so happy when I told them I’d be home in five weeks and three days. My mother asked me to bring a jai namaz (prayer mat) back from Mecca for her and some zam-zam water. My dad didn’t ask for anything. They both wanted me to just come home. I think they miss me a lot. The house is so empty with just the two of them living there now.
They’re going to go to Pakistan on the 22nd of March for two months. My cousin is getting married out there. My mum doesn’t have much family left there now and doesn’t think she’s going to be visiting all that many times again in the future. She’s not sure what to expect. I told her I was going to move out to my brother’s house when they leave. I didn’t tell her that I might not come back home after that.
Time to be less of a bad brother now and call my sisters.
Anonymous asked: I wish I was born in the 80s, so I could meet my grandparents. I've always wanted to know how it feels to have grandparents.
I love how different these answers are. Some are so personal, like yours Anon, whilst others are about something or someone great and big in the past.
I’m blessed that I got to spend time will all my grandparents. I wish I was able to appreciate my mother’s parents a little bit more when they were alive but I’ve knows my father’s parents my whole life. I guess I didn’t really realise how blessed I was until I read your message. It’s amazing to be able to tap in to that history. Someone I knew once told me she wanted to interview her grandparents and write down their stories. That would be way too awesome. I don’t think she ever got around to it, though.
Also, I was born in the 80s… I feel so old right now.
First of all, let me try to work out what it was that happened five years ago and then tell you if it matters…
So… five years ago today would have been… July 16th 2006. I would have been home from university after my second second year and about to head in to my final year. That year was a very big year for me in so, so many ways and I’ll explain why. It was a year where my life changed in really big and drastic ways. The things that made me extremely upset then were the same things that had been making me feel before and since.
I love my family. I really do. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to a few of the people in my family so I thought I’d make the rounds on the phone calls today… well, it was slightly different from that but I’ll explain after the ‘read more’. It’s kind of bitter-sweet but I’ll explain the reason for that too.
About seven months ago I wrote a post on this blog about my relationship with my mother and fighting with my parents. I was angry, bitter, and spiteful in the comments I made. I said some things that were nasty and I got a lot of criticism for my comments, as well as some support. Well, I’ve been thinking about that post a lot for the last few days and I think it’s time to follow up on it.
Living at home is torture at times. My relationship with my mother is strained at best. It’s no secret in my extended family that my mother hates me. She bad mouths me to other relatives, she has no sense of humour, and she is a little bit evil. Because I don’t do any of those things towards her… we clash a lot. I also do something most other Asian people don’t do and that’s talk back to my mother.
It’s a curse I suffer from. I think it’s because my biological clock is ticking or something. It really doesn’t help that I have 8 nieces and nephews who have been arriving steadily over the last 10 years. My eldest niece is going to turn 10 in August and my youngest nephew is 3 months old. My family line is well and truly set for the next generation - unless something drastic happens. Saying that, I still want one of my own. These feelings seem to come in waves where they hit me pretty hard and then subside for a while. At the moment they’re pretty full on.
