I really am.

My ideals and understanding of love has developed through years of Bollywood and then decades of Hollywood films. Some of my favourite films are Romantic dramas. I never enjoy the super cheesy films but happy endings work for me.

I guess I’ve always looked to see if I’d have a happy ending of my own. It’s really weird because my thoughts on romantic love have fluctuated a lot over the last decade. There have been moments where I’ve wanted everything to fall in to place for me and other moments where I’ve riled against it vehemently.

I’m reading a novel called The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides right now and it’s layers upon layers of romance. It tells the story of Madeline and Mitchell and the way they move in and out of each others’ lives. I’m about half way through and thoroughly enjoying it. Part of me is enjoying it is because of the way the characters understand romance and how it plays in to their lives. Another part of me is enjoying it because of the development of the characters with the world around them.

Anyway, for the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about it a lot. At times thinking about romance makes me smile and at other times it makes me sad. I mean, romantic love is so often an illusion that is sold to us but so rarely found. It doesn’t exist in the real world. That presents a conundrum in my mind, a paradox, that I don’t know how to resolve. How can I believe in something and want it but know deep down that I’ll most likely never have it or know that finding it is incredibly improbable?

What if you find the person who meets that lofty romantic standard you set in your mind but it can’t work out for some reason?