So… I’ve been talking about my house mate a lot on this blog for the last few months. I’ve used all sorts of adjectives and superlatives to describe how great a guy he is and how much I love him. He’s a 24 years old British-Pakistani, has a law degree, and currently has a great job in Saudi Arabia. He’s very religiously knowledgeable, he’s super-smart, sensible, and on the ball with all sorts of issues. He’s a thinking man and prides himself on his logic and ability to think through a situation but he’s not boring at all. He’s quick to laugh and is fast when it comes to telling jokes. He’s the complete package.
Last week he asked me if I was willing to take some pictures of him because his mum wanted to show some girls for potential rishtas. He’s looking to get married but there’s no one for him to get married to at the moment. This is where you fine Tumblr people come in…
if I don’t have something nice to say about a person I try my best to say nothing at all. I can’t always hold myself to that standard and I sometimes falter but I try my very best.
I pride myself on not gossiping in most instances, especially when the gossip is malicious, and I will actually go as far as to remove myself from a conversation that is unpleasant in that sense. When I do say things about a person it is never something I wouldn’t say to their face.
Anyway, this post isn’t about that. This post is about someone but it’s about them in the best possible way. I’m hesitant writing it because I know this person reads my blog sporadically and it’s not really something they might want out in the world but I really feel like getting these thoughts down in this moment.
For the last hour and a half my house mate has been talking to me. We’ve been talking about the events of the last 18 hours and what they all mean. The things we talked about isn’t the point of this post but more about how we talked.
The amazing thing about him, I lovingly call him Panda, is that he is phenomenally patient and wise. He is incredibly sensible and, even when he doesn’t fully agree with a situation, he is able to empathise and formulate lines of thinking that are logical and sensible. He listens for hours on end without any complaint and is always attentive and responsive. He doesn’t check out of a conversation.
Since the 2nd of September, when he got back, he’s become my rock. He’s become the one person who I tell everything to as it is happening in my life and go to for advice in the first instance. I’ve opened up to him so much that it sometimes scares me. I’ve always been weary of talking to people about personal issues in Saudi Arabia because I’ve never known who I can trust or not but he’s shown me, over and over, that I can trust him completely.
This post is a dedication to him and the goodness he brings in to my life. I can say, unequivocally, that I love him. Our friendship has really blossomed over time and I hold him in incredibly high regard. I know our friendship isn’t as balanced as it could be at the moment, I take more than I give, but I hope to make that up to him in time, in sha Allah.
and it all seemed so easy. It all seemed to flow a perfectly logical path. Step ‘a’ leads to ‘b’ which leads to ‘c’ which leads me to five years later and then what?
That’s the thing with me. I’ve never been one to go by plans. I’ve never been one to set a path for my life and stick with it but that’s who I’ve become now. That’s the person I am.
The problem I always had with paths was that they were so restrictive. By being on one path, what other possible paths was I letting fall away? What other paths was I ignoring? What other possible lives was I letting disappear out of existence before they even started to take shape?
The thing is that this particular plan is a good one. It’s a plan that I know will bring me emotional satisfaction as well as reward from Allah (in sha Allah). It’s a path that will allow me to do real good in the world and will let me revert back to that idealistic me who I used to be, the one who thought he could change the world. Maybe I won’t change the world but even if I change the lives of some people it’ll all be worth it.
The thing is that I have no idea how this idea I have for myself reconciles with ideas other have for me, paths others want me to take. I don’t know how this path will overlap with other things I want for myself.
Anyway, I’m in Saudi until Jan 2013 at the earliest. I have to be here until then. I can’t leave before that. I have no idea how I’m going to make it but I have no choice. There’s no other way. I have to save up enough money to make the next step possible. Working for free for (up to) two years isn’t going to be easy but it’s going to be worth every second if I’m able to do what I want to do.
I’ve been praying that Allah makes this journey easy for me and that the rewards I get from it aren’t monetary or recognition but spiritual - in this life and the next. I’ve been praying for so much recently. I have total faith in God that this is going to work out. I feel my intentions are pure and my determination steadfast. I’m committing myself to something greater than me and I’m going to make the necessary sacrifices. I already am.
I’ll let you all know how it goes if you’re still following me in 16 months time. I’m working towards something big; something that will define the path the rest of my life takes. Pray for me, yo!
