Anonymous asked: Is feeling lonely a form of self pity? Can we ever get over being lonely? Ive already heard all about ' we are social creatures and that we seek social relationships....etc' and theories about 'its mind over matter when it comes to loneliness'. I want the real answer to what is loneliness? exactly what is it? Is it a fear? Why is being lonely a bad or scarey thing?
Apologies. This is more than one question.
Hi! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your question sooner. I want you to know that I wasn’t ignoring it, though. It’s just a very deep and personal topic and I wanted to think through some of the ideas I had before I published them for you to see.
Loneliness is a very strange phenomenal. I’m a fairly extroverted guy but there are times I, and I’m sure everyone else, feel lonely. From my personal experience I know that the causes of loneliness can be multiple. Self-pity can be one of them but it is just as likely that it stems from other issues that might be on your mind. Do you think you’re a happy person? What is making you unhappy? If you start to find the answers to those questions and realise how to change your situation it might help you be more willing to change your situation.
Loneliness is stigmatised in western societies because of the connotations it has attached to it. The fact of that matter is that those connotations are seldom, if ever, true. Loneliness isn’t a pleasant state of mind but it’s not the worst thing in the world either. You need to find ways of enjoying your own company. Find ways to occupy yourself. I don’t mean watch tv and movies. Pick up a book, draw, write, go for walks/to the gym.
I’m not sure if I can answer the ultimate question of loneliness for you. I feel it’s something that’s different for everyone. Some people can be surrounded by others and feel totally alone whilst others live their lives as hermits and are perfectly content. I honestly feel you need to realise what it is you want and work towards that instead of trying to impose some external standard of sociability upon yourself. Don’t let the world tell you what is and isn’t right for you.
In reply to your more recent question, being in a foreign country is very difficult. It took me a long time to find a niche since I moved to Saudi Arabia and, even now, I don’t feel I’m as social as I’d like to be. Still, I have some good friends out here and I’m able to distract myself with other things when I am feeling alone, which happens fairly regularly.
You’ve said it’s something that has been with you for a while. If you feel the loneliness is making you unhappy then seek professional help. If you feel there might be another root cause of the loneliness then try to deal with that and see how it works out for you.
It’s not the kind of thing that will go away quickly. If possible try to make a couple of new friends or get in touch with friends you had in the past.
From everything you’ve written to me it sounds like you’re willing to make a change in your life. Just make sure you realise it’s a change you want to make and not one you think you should make because of what ‘people’ have told you. Try to make yourself happy because it’s a very attractive quality to have and people are attracted to it - but do it for yourself.
I really wish you’re able to deal with some of the issues you’ve brought up. If you want to communicate in a more personal manner, my email address is at the top of this blog. I wish this has been of some help.
Before I finish, I should add that I have not had any form of professional training in dealing with psychological issues or those relating to self-esteem/loneliness. If you have had advice from a professional that is contradictory to what I’ve written here, please follow that advice instead of mine. If you feel like this issue is impacting your day-to-day life then please seek medical attention. There is no shame in seeking help and it might help you overcome your issues.
Please let me know how you get on. I’ll pray for you.
Check out this article for some thoughts on loneliness you might not have heard before.
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