Teaching is a tough job. You have to be attentive, you have to be there. You’re at the front of a class of twenty-something students who all look to you for guidance and direction. You have to lead them. It’s your duty, your obligation.

Students pick up on every little thing. It’s amazing how often they can just look at you and figure out what kind of mood you’re in that day. You have to leave your mood at the door and slip in to a character. The more effectively you’re able to do this, the better and more stable a teacher you can be.

The problem is when there’s something going on in life that’s too big to assume that role. The problem comes in when the last thing you want to do is anything. Teaching is impossible then. Living is impossible then. My students have been asking me what’s been up with me way too much. They’ve been telling me they like me a lot more when I smile. How can I smile?

I’m not being emo. Life is what it is. Some things are just too big to grasp and understand. I’ve just got to let this wave wash over me, this tsunami, and hope that I’m able to stand afterwards. I don’t know how long it’s going to last or what will be left of me when it’s gone but I’m going to try to stay standing.

I’m putting my faith in Allah to get me through this next part of my life - through every part. I’m turning to some wonderful people in my life for help. I’m so grateful that I have so many people who love me and are willing to do so much for me around me. No one really understands, though. There isn’t anyone who really knows what I’m going through. Even with all this around me I feel like I’m alone; alone with God.