There isn’t much I hide about my life. There isn’t much I obfuscate about myself or twist and manipulate to present myself one way or another. I’m pretty much “what you see is what you get”.

I’m not saying I’m not deep. There’s a difference between being open and being shallow. I can talk about myself, my thoughts, my ideas for hours on end. I will answer almost any question that is asked of me and I don’t see the point in hiding things. I don’t have many secrets.

Since I’ve been in Saudi I’ve learned to not trust people. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. I’ve learned to be closed to people around me and limit what I tell and who I tell it to. Alhamdulilah, I didn’t learn this lesson the hard way but through observing the way people talk here. I’m not talking about Arabs but the people I work with. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when I have to censor myself; when I can’t express myself; when I can’t be myself.

I don’t know how that’s going to be when I go back home. I hope I’m able to go back to my trusting self. I hope I’m able to go back to my open self but I feel a part of me has been altered irrevocably. I feel there’s a part of me that will always be different.

I’ve realised that it’s not a bad thing. I’ve realised that everyone shouldn’t know everything about you. I’ve realised that there are some things - especially those involving other people - that really shouldn’t cross your lips. I know I’ve said things to people I shouldn’t have about my life, my actions, and my thoughts, but I feel like I’ve turned a corner. I feel like I’ve finally learnt the lessons I should have learnt a long time ago.

I hope it’s not too late. I hope I didn’t make any mistakes that were too big in the way I came across to people around me. I’ve learnt that trust should be earned by others and shouldn’t be given to everyone. It’s a pessimistic mindset but it’s one that can save a lot of problems later.