This is a really fascinating question. It’s something that I’ve thought about a lot. How old am I? How old do I feel? Well… There are two answers to this question. At times I feel very old and at other times I feel so young.

Let me explain.

I’m twenty-eight. That’s old. By this point I should have my life sorted. I should be on a path where I know what’s going to happen to me every day between now and the day I die. I should know what my job will be. I should be married to a woman and either have kids already or thinking about it. I should have my dreams and aspirations locked away in a box and only let them out a few weeks a year. That should be my life. That is the life of more than a few people I know who are my age.

That’s not my life.

I feel younger than twenty-eight because I think younger than twenty-eight. I’m still full of idealism, I’m still full of ideas about what the world is, I still see the future in terms of possibilities and paths rather than a defined road my life will take. I think like someone much younger than I am. I haven’t let the world grind down my spirit yet. My personal world is full of positivity - and sometimes fear - for the future; maybe possible futures.

On other days I feel old. My thoughts about the world and my place in it are more cynical in some ways now than they were before. I don’t trust political systems any more. I don’t feel leaders do the best for the people who put them in power. I’m not at the point where I don’t understand people younger than me but teaching 18-20 year olds has certainly made me realise there is a gap between their thinking and mine. At times I feel like I’m not far away from being out of touch with them.

So, that’s how old I feel. I guess when I balance the two sides out I still feel younger than I do older. I’m still more optimistic of the world than pessimistic. I still hope. I’m still enthusiastic about life and act on that - I wouldn’t be in Saudi Arabia now if I wasn’t.

If I had to put a number on it I’d say I was 23-25.

(there is another answer I could have given about the connotations of age and the theory of an ageless society that I came across in another life - I’ll leave that for another day)

1. bermudianabroad said: i remember when you were 160. seems like just yesterday… it’s an interesting question though. i don’t feel much older than 18 some days. i’ve changed but i haven’t. and my picture is of the alhambra at night. my second to last day there.
2. goodbyeblighty posted this